this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
vagina is talking i cant
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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