I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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