dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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