so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
