Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
