Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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