she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
