I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
