VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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