last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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