i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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