Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
