just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
