I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
