My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
