Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
