My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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