Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
