C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
