I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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