A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
