remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
