I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
