oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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