hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
