Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
