omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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