I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
