I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
