why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
