I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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