well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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