Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
