She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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