dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
