It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Randomize
