i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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