I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
