I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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