I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
