It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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