Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
