worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
