I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
