I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
