I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
