I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
