I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
