he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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