Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
