i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
lol hangovers are for mortals.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
