i wish my penis had a tongue
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
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