The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
